“Simultaneously very liberating and terrifying”: A Qualitative Exploration of Nonbinary Identity Development in Adults in Aotearoa New Zealand

“Nonbinary” is an umbrella term for diverse genders beyond the male/female binary. Nonbinary individuals experience unique challenges, including in nonbinary identity development (NID), which is typically overlooked in mainstream identity development models. Recent NID scholarship has advanced understandings, but few studies have specifically investigated identity development, included diverse or adult participants, or are nonbinary-led. The present study aimed to explore NID in a diverse group of nonbinary adults in Aotearoa New Zealand. Following community consultation, I recruited and selected participants via an online expression of interest questionnaire. I prioritised prospective participants based on diversity of age, and then a combination of gender and ethnic diversity. I utilised my “insider” nonbinary identity and conducted semi-structured interviews with 10 nonbinary adults. My reflexive thematic analysis produced three themes, which characterised NID as an ongoing conflict between improved individual, and poorer social, wellbeing. Through NID realisation, consideration, and exploration, participants were liberated from years of gender discomfort, and experienced self-fulfilment (T1). NID involved learning about nonbinary identities and language, and seeking nonbinary space in the binary world, which was often met with pushback (T2). NID did not happen in identity isolation; there were frequent interactions between participants’ intersecting identities and genders (T3.1), as well as implications of community and relational structures for NID (T3.2). Overall, my research shows the inadequacy of existing identity development models for capturing the nuances of NID, the importance of situating NID within one’s broader social context, and the unique wellbeing challenges nonbinary individuals experience in NID. Greater nonbinary visibility, for example, in media, is needed to improve nonbinary knowledge and acceptance in the binary world, and to celebrate the diversity of nonbinary identities.